Eyes wide open… Reflections II

My Cody Bear


In the darkest hours of night, when sleep should prevail, without prejudice, without mercy, questions pour into my head. I lie awake and I wonder…
Have I lived well enough to make many friends and fewer enemies?
Do I have the courage to cherish my friends and to vanquish my enemies?
Have I spread enough smiles?
Have I shared enough hugs?
Have I planted enough kisses?
Have I caused enough laughter to earn reciprocity?
Have I studied enough history?
Have I been engaged enough in current affairs?
Have I earned a degree in knowledge?
Is knowledge a benefit?
Is knowledge the revelation of truths, or is knowledge the realizations of falsehoods?
Have I learned from every victory and every folly?
If so, am I a benefactor; more important, am I a teacher?
Today, in this world that reports the past in real-time; in time to worry for our future?
I only see and images of life, albeit in real-time, can I relate?
Have I focused long enough on the anguished faces, I cannot truly see?
Have I listened hard enough to the desperate voices, I truly cannot hear?
Have I seen enough of their pain, I truly cannot feel?
Have I felt their hunger, I cannot feed?
Have I shared in their grief, I cannot quell?
Have I touched enough people?
Has cuddling become a lost art?
If you learn my darkest secret, will you forgive me?
Will I forgive myself?
Did I stop smoking soon enough to live forever?
How much double churned ice cream is too much?
Will I die and when?
Will it be too soon!  Of course!
Would I fight for my life to the very end?
Out of fear?
Out of courage?
For you?
Will I let go?
Can I fall away?
Will you miss me if I’m gone?
Will you miss me when you are alone?
Will you miss me when you are among friends.
Will you still be laughing and smiling?
And for how long?  Don’t tell me.
My dog is asleep at my feet.
He has all the answers.
He won’t say, but I finally get it.
It’s not about me.
So now, I can close my eyes…

These reflections are more important to me, now then ever beforre. I hope you are asking yourself the same questions.

All the best!!!

Note: My Big guy, my Cody Bear, passed away in 2017.

Lonely Man, You Know Who I Am

picasabackground
Lonely man, you know who I am. 

You’re a labor of love, hand and glove. 
If you ever want to shoot for the moon,
You’ll need to bring your own silver spoon. 

Your drink is empty, nothing’s on the table.  
Miguel your waiter, sells only by the label. 
So you dance to music that never ends,
And toast bartender Mike, your new best friend. 

You’re anybody who has a story.
You’re the blood and guts, but no glory. 
You’re the play that’s no longer afloat. 
You’re the poem, you never wrote.

Lonely man, you know who I am.  
You’re a labor of love, hand and glove.
Johnny Cochran’s not your deal.
You’ll never win on your appeal. 

You’re the crowd in every room. 
The conversation that always spells doom. 
You’re the fly that’s always unzipped,
The greeting card, that’s always skipped. 

You’ve become the sweat on everyone’s brow. 
You’re the answer to, “No, not now!” 
You’re the best friend you’ll never have. 
You’re the rub, without the salve.

Lonely man, you know who I am. 
Labor of love, fit hand and glove. 
Win the lottery prize in your office pool? 
What are the odds you’ve played the fool!

You’re someone’s smile, without a face. 
You’re the awkward in an embrace.
You’re the gaze behind an empty stare. 
You’re the voice that isn’t there. 

You’re the cold pavement under bare feet. 
You’re the toothless grin that never eats.
So when you dare ask for a slice of life,
You’re the one to brandish a knife. 

And when your chapter is finally read,
You already know what’s been said.
Lonely man, you know who I am, 
Dance to music that never ends.

I originally wrote Lonely Man for a Montel Williams Poetry Contest for MS charity because I have a sister with MS. I think “Lonely Man” epitomizes how many of us feel from time to time. At the same time it pokes some fun at those same self-effacing feelings.

Laugh All You Can

20140725_101755Laugh all you can.
What comes after,
Life, laughter and tears.
A waterfall.
Descending into the past.
Let’s you down.
A moment in time, gone.
Deep, quiet and alone.
Waiting to wipe away,
Tears that will come.
And the promise,
Laughter comes after,
Like a waterfall,
A crescendo of life,
Laughter and my tears.
Never ending.
Never done.

If I Was An Artist

Dad at play 5 (2)
If I was an artist…
Father, patriarch, Dad.
And if I could paint,
Mature, senior citizen, old man.
I would paint the portrait of a man,
Provider, benefactor, success.
Each word to describe him,
Contrary, obstinate, cussed,
Would be a different stroke from my brush,
Non-conformist, contestant, maverick.
Each phrase a different shade,
Creative, inventive, colorful.
From the palette of his life,
Environmentalist, naturalist, crusader.
I would present him his portrait,
Integrity, honesty, candid,
With pride, his life a work of art.

Shadows Stay or Go

Bow Glacier Falls Misty Rainbow
Shadows clouding my mind,
Like the shade shelters the sun.
Flying blind.
Not lingering.
Not hiding.
Imagining thoughts,
Where thoughts have never been.

Shapes of you,
Like a kaleidoscope.
Completely turned around.
Then, hoping you were gone.
Now, I’m missing you.
Chasing shadows again.
Imagining thoughts,
Where thoughts have never been.

Master of Ceremony

Originally written after a trip to NYC in 2007
Updated 10-09-2012

Idea Capitalists

You live for the moment,
In that New York state of mind,
On every street corner,
In every pizza place,
You’re just another slice in time.
 
In the midst of the masses,
Sits a beggar, a mere ghost,
Imitating a man.
An unfortunate icon of the city,
Short of shoes, sitting on lifeless wheels,
His tin cup, barely clutching his hand.
 
You…, you have a place to be,
Master of Ceremony,
Your parade marches on…
Past his dimming, glassy eyes,
Eyes you will never meet.
You sail past his hopes
Hopes you can never sink.
Past his tin cup, from which,
You will never drink.
 
Originally written after a trip to NYC in 2007
Updated 10-09-2012

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When Time Misses You

Image result for when blackbirds sing bring rain
Wake to the song blackbirds sing.
A promise rain will bring.
When sleep escapes,
Dreams are washed away.
A child’s cry takes its toll,
Grips your soul.
A tiny hand upon your face,
Gateway to the human race.
To find her smile,
May take a while.
When time misses you.

There’s no time,
Where sadness lives,
You can’t ask.
You can’t pray.
You have to say,
Take it away!

Pockets full of gold.
Leaves you old.
Brings you to your knees.
Nonsense money,
Opens all the doors.
No excuses anymore.
Open the book.
Read between the lines.
To find her smile,
May take a while.
When time misses you.

There’s no time,
Where sadness lives.
You can’t ask.
You can’t pray.
You have to say,
Take it away!

Jo Dee Messina’s “Bring on the Rain” gained popularity in the early 2000s, becoming her fifth No. 1 hit in March of 2002, after being released in September of 2001 as a single from her Burn album.

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